50 things we’ve learnt during our 49 days in Nepal.

1. No one has any patience at the baggage carousel in the airport.

2. Jayne clearly has the face of a drug user… She has been offered pot, smoke, weed and hash more times than I’ve eaten momo’s.

3. It is perfectly acceptable to have a curved football pitch if it is built on a rice paddy field. 

4. Constant electricity is a luxury. 

5. The water in streams and puddles is clearer and cleaner than the sanitised water coming out of the taps in Kathmandu. 

6. Nepalese stinging nettles are evil bastards.

7. The path of least resistance is often better than the path of least distance.

8. Donkey shit is more slippery than mud. 

9. “Do you speak yak?” has replaced the Maldivian “do you speak whale?”

10. It is possible to be stuck in a traffic jam on a trekking trail behind a massive line of donkeys.

11. Yaks are rebels… They don’t walk clockwise around the shrines. 

12. Dying your hair before trekking means that by the time you finish, you have massive roots… Don’t bother (btw – it wasn’t us!!).

13 Christmas songs and jingles from 90’s TV adverts get stuck in your head for days when trekking.

14. It is perfectly acceptable to walk kilometres out of your way for a piece of chocolate cake and apple pie.

15. A freezing cold shower is better than no shower when you haven’t washed in a week. 

16. Meeting an actual ice fall doctor is pretty awesome…

17. … As is staying in the home of someone who has been on he summit of Everest 12 times!!

18. Yak poo is extremely efficient as a fuel source in a stove for keeping you warm.

19. Horizontal paths are few and far between – they require a song and a dance to recognise their presence.

20. It is the same in every language… You’re an asshole!

21. Nepalese people think the Irish are crazy for making snow angels (N.B. This may not be limited to just Nepalese people!!)

22. Sunburn on your lips is incredibly painful – especially if they get rubbed with dirt, wind and/or chilli paste!

23. Porters are the ants of the human world! 30kg at this altitude is insane!!!

24. You know when the steps on a trail are steep when you can smell your feet…

25. Hiccups at altitude aren’t helpful and they really hurt!

26. Katherine is allergic to donkeys but not to yaks.

27. We thought that trekkers would all be appropriately dressed but there are common whores everywhere!! Not sure if hot pants and mini skirts are the most suitable attire for trekking up to EBC – especially when you combine them with a thong…

28. You need to sleep with your mobile in your fleece pocket otherwise the cold drains the battery.

29. You need to pay the trolls that live under bridges with stones or pine cones.

30. You can’t have a proper tantrum with trekking poles because the wrist straps prevent you from throwing them on the ground in anger (believe me – we’ve tried!)

31. Jayne is a true princess!! She gets blisters under Comped blister plasters.

32. Sherpa children eat packets of dried noodles like British children eat crisps.

33. Live goats gets tied to the top of buses.

34. Some Nepalese people are ticklish, some aren’t – you can use the ones who are to your advantage!!

35. Nepalese wine is super strong… Shitfaced, SHITFACED!!

36. It is okay to eat momo’s at every meal (we’ve even dreamed up some breakfast concoctions to experiment with when we return home).

37. Allow an entire day for a bus journey… Even is you are only going down the road.

38. Washing an elephant for your birthday is awesome!!

39. Never assume that just because you have a hotel booking that you will actually be staying at that hotel.

40. Elephants safaris bruise your chest-icles. 

41. Playing cricket in a rarely used temple is a great use of space!!

42. Musical instrument sellers only know one song… 

43. Walking on cobbled streets with a bad back is not fun.

44. Selfie sticks can (and are) used for taking photos up ladies skirts…

45. Don’t piss off a Nepalese bus driver – their tongue lashings would make an German/Irish teaching nun with a whip look like a puppy.

46. Fights in cinemas actually happen (and I’ve been to Surrey Quays cinema plenty of times and never witnessed one!).

47. Bakeries destroy your budget as well as your waistline.

48. Post trekking feet are disgusting and getting a blister under a toenail is a guaranteed way of it falling off.

49. Kathmandu back streets are awesome. Not only are they filled with architectural gems, carved windows and loads of little markets selling everything you could ever possibly need; they never feel unsafe. 

50. Nepal – Once is not enough…

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