Myanmar

We both woke up this morning feeling a little bit lethargic and, as such, took our time getting up and ready for breakfast despite the enthusiastic Buddhist chanting coming out of the TV in reception, joined by the not so melodic voices of the hotel staff. After breakfast, Jayne didn’t feel too good so went and had a lie down whilst I went through the bag that we had left behind at the hostel and repacked our stuff back into two separate rucksacks. Still not feeling too great when she woke up, I went on a search for paracetamol and rehydration sachets. Asked the hotel staff who sent me to a pharmacy about 1km away (only to later find out that the shop downstairs sold everything I needed!!). Walked past a deserted minister office building, seemed such a shame that such a magnificent building would be left to crumble… Popped into the supermarket opposite the pharmacy to get Jayne some (better tasting) ionic drinks and some snacks before heading back to the hotel. Spent the afternoon sorting out our days in Thailand and trying to plan out some sort of rough route around Australia. Decided to force Jayne out of the windowless and stuffy box that is our hotel room, luring her out with a visit to the cinema to watch ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’. We were a little too early so got our tickets and then headed back down the road to a local Shan noodle restaurant. Both had some chicken noodle soup (which was amazing and better than the Shan soup that we had in the Shan state!!). The film was brilliant and just what the doctor ordered although I don’t think either of us will ever get used to the amount of talking that happens in SE Asian cinemas… The guy behind us chatted on his phone for ages whilst a lady a few rows in front had constant ‘pings’ coming through as she messaged people. At least the film was loud!! Monday 6th June 2016

So… I was involved in a motorbike crash today!
Now that I have your attention, let me bore you with the mundane and the rest of the bog standard day before and after this event. 
The buffet breakfast at the hotel was massive. There was cereals, omelette station, fruit, noodle soup station, fried rice/veg/meat and a French toast and cake selection. Without being gluttonous we still waddled upstairs to get our bags and down the street towards the bus station. We took the more direct route in daylight hours up and over the hill and around the monastery compound compared to yesterday’s long detour on the main road. With Myanmar people sometimes trying to be more friendly and helpful than is necessary, we found a bus that would ‘get’ us to Kyaikto from where we could get to Kinpun. An oddity and a treat to the passengers and passerby, we were seated in a normal local bus, with no one speaking a word of English and only screen shots of the Golden Rock and bad pronunciations of the town giving us any reassurance that we were heading in the right direction. The journey was typically slow and and nothing of significance happened. We were then told to come with the conductor who brought us and our bag out of the bus and put us on a pick-up truck. Not really sure what or why… but our screenshots and helpful locals assured us that we were heading in the right direction. The transfer was only to speed us further along in our journey when we could see the bus pull in for a lunch stop.So, we now find ourselves at the junction up to Kinpun, with the motorbike taxis assuring us that we would be able to buy bus tickets to Yangon at the main town and didn’t need to worry about it here at the main road. Bag reshuffling and slung over our shoulders, we were off again on another mini adventure. 

On a relatively straight bit of road, no roads merging from the side, no hills, dips or bridge, nothing really out of the ordinary, another bike came in diagonally from the left and clipped the front of the bike I was on, rubbed wheels for a split second and then carried on veering right off the road in to the mud where he wobbled for a bit and then got back on the main road. I screamed like a maniac, the bike wobbling but the amazing taxi driver keeping it upright even when I grabbed him roughly on the left side of his chest. He must have been a bit shocked too cause we slowed down briefly before his brain had realised we were in a crash and his bike was damaged. Thus, the chase began…
From motoring along at 60kph (one of the only bikes that had a speedometer working) we were up to 80 in our pursuit of catching our assailant. We passed Katherine and her driver and gave him a signal that he understood (a.k.a. I’m on the hunt, follow me). The motorbike didn’t stop the first time we caught up to him. The next time I was signalling myself for him to stop, my driver now furious and speeding down the road at 90, over the bridges, round the bends and up the hills. I didn’t think the bike could go that fast and in the moment I was equally exhilarated by the adrenaline and terrified at the thought of falling off (without a helmet, in a country/area with limited English). But, when the bike finally did stop and I managed to get off, the adrenaline really kicked in. 
Katherine arrived soon after – not sure why they drove at the same speed – and her driver was concerned for us both, while mine started arguing with the driver of the other bike and his father passenger for the damage he had caused to his bike – completely splitting the fibreglass casing at the front. I was now starting to shake like a leaf and couldn’t even bring myself to take the bags off. 
The tourist police happened to pass by. His wife was on the back of his bike and by now we were gathering a nice crowd at the side of the road causing a nuisance to passing traffic and coaches. He drew attention to the fact that a tourist was involved in the incident and that was the first (and only) time my driver looked at me. There was wads of cash being waved around in the air, arguments and, probably, only for the presence of two tourists and the police, there would have been a full on fight. We were escorted in presidential fashion to town where the drivers continued arguing even while we paid them and the officer checked where we were staying and if we were ok to walk the rest of the way, keeping them at the station. I think should there have been further complications he wanted a witness statement, hence checking our hotel name several times. I was now beginning to feel pretty tired, the rush draining from me slowly but surely. 

With a nice triple room offered to us instead of being sent 2km out of town to our bungalow (win-win) we strolled around town so that I could calm down and not be so jittery. So, naturally, I convinced Katherine to go in to the other goals of the game of football the kids were having on the street. 10mins of mayhem and foolish foreigner antics had the kids in hysterics where we left them with massive smiles and a new crazy sort of game. Picked up a sugary lollipop before sorting out cameras and SD cards, then a really nice dinner downstairs. The new version of King Kong was on the tv and we finished watching it in the room – the graphics and CGI being so fake and out of date already. Eventful day and not surprising that it took me a long time to fall asleep. 

Saturday 4th June 2016

By some miracle, we actually got to Mawlamyine 4 hours ahead of our expected arrival time. Unfortunately, it was 4:30am that we were being shaken awake by the bus conductor to get off the bus with all the other bleary eyed passengers. I was faring better than Jayne having, for the first time ever, managed to get some sleep on the bus! Jayne had gotten about 2 hours sleep to my 4. Clearly a touristy town, the locals were abandoned as we were surrounded by taxi drivers all desperate for our fare. However, having been on a bus for over 8 hours, our hotel being less than 3kms away and knowing full well we wouldn’t be able to check in anytime soon, we had decided to walk. As the day began to break and the sky began to get lighter, we were walking past pagodas and colonial houses until we began following the river into town. The very nice man at the hotel gave us the wifi code and told us to sit in the lobby for as long as we wanted… Baring mind it is now 6am and check in isn’t until 14:00! Had a little picnic breakfast in the lobby before heading out at 7:00 to do the recommended Lonely Planet walking tour. We started at a quaint garden with some cute topiary bushes, watching old local men do some (rather ineffective) exercises!! Continued walking down the road, watching the Buddhist monks collect their rice offerings from residents and shop owners. Walking down backstreets, looking at the colonial architecture before stumbling across St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Vividly painted in bright colours, the church was founded in 1829 by the De La Salle brothers. After looking at the gaudy bright interior, we headed up the road to the overgrown graveyard. Absolutely deserted and unkept, the head stones, many with English names, dated back to the mid-19th century. We were walking towards the Kyaikthanlan Paya when we found a shop making dosa’s… Row upon row of heated cast iron plates with a constant stream of men spreading mixture onto them as others peeled them off once they had cooked with a single man at the end of the rows mixing up more batter using a giant machine.Started walking up the covered walkway, dodging dog poo and rubbish in our bare feet (as footwear is prohibited). The panoramic views at the top of the temple made the steps worth while, especially as we saw the Mawlamyine prison – built in 1908 and believerd to be the setting for George Orwell’s short story ‘A Hanging’. Visited the other pagodas in the temple complex, walking towards the Mahamuni Paya, the largest temple complex in the town. The main chamber in the temple resembled a massive disco ball – the room shimmered with mirrors, rubies and diamonds.Continued walking around the town, walking past the Surtee Sunni Jamae Masjid (a mosque built in 1846 to serve the Muslim officers and civil servants of British Burma) before walking through a local market on our way back to the river front. Stopped for an early lunch in a riverside cafe where the proceeds go to helping the elderly citizens of Mawlamyine. Headed back to the hotel to check in and work out what we were going to do for the rest of the day. Turns out, everything worth visiting in Mawlamyine we had already done before midday.The other site suggestions were way out of town, not always accessible during monsoon season and required renting a car… Decided that, since we didn’t have the money or inclination to rent a car to visit more Buddhist temples, we would spend the afternoon relaxing with the amazing view of the river from our bedroom window. The rest of the day was spent watching crap films of the TV, eating junk food and generally lounging around in our pyjamas. We ever ordered room service for dinner so we didn’t have to get dressed!! Watched the sun set as a drone was being flown around on the footpath just outside our hotel, scaring the living day lights out of the locals on motorbikes.Friday 3rd June 2016

Possibly the best beds that we have slept on in a long time! Both of us felt a million times better than we have in ages even if the torrential rain storm did wake us up several times during the night as the raindrops sounded like golf balls dropping onto the roof. Showered and dressed before heading to the restaurant for breakfast. A slightly weird set up where you would pour your own coffee but they would carry it to your table… The buffet breakfast included fish which, although we both scoffed at the thought of eating fish for breakfast, was actually really nice. Fully loaded up with orange marmalade and plenty of coffee, we went to reception to organise motorbike rental and a late check out. They wanted us to rent two motorbikes but when we told them that Jayne didn’t have a bike license they let us rent one. Went back to the room whilst they organised the bike to find the wifi working – finally!! Sent a few messages to parents to let them know we were still alive before picking up the bike. Clearly concerned with a weight issue, they had organised a ‘proper’ motorbike with gears for us to use (unlike the scooters I grew up riding in Paris and the type of bikes we’ve always rented in SE Asia). Having only used a bike with gears on my CBT, over a year ago, I decided to go up and down the road in the hotel before Jayne jumped on and we braved the roads! We were told that we needed to put some petrol in it and were pointed in the direction of the nearest man selling it out of old water bottles by the side of the road, 4km away. Except, we never made it… About 50m away from the petrol man, the bike stalled and we couldn’t restart it. Would have been scary but the roads here are absolutely deserted! Fortunately a man pulled up next to us (we think it might have been one of the guys from the hotel) and tried to help us restart it. No such luck, so I pushed it over to the side of the road and down to petrol man who filled us up with, what looked like, very watered down petrol… Anyway, the bike jumped back to life and we were hurtling down the road towards the Uppatasanti Paya temple, with Jayne doing some excellent navigating from behind. Happened, purely by accident, to fall upon the infamous 8-lane highway. A rather surreal experience as the road was practically empty – enough for us to feel completely comfortable to take photos standing in the middle of the road!  I drove up and down parts of the highway by myself, enjoying the speed of the bike before Jayne hopped back on and we continued on our way to the temple.       Located at the top of a marble staircase (or a lift, if you’re feeling lazy) is a 98m tall golden pagoda. We had seen it last night from the bus window, looking impressive in its illuminated glory!! We both thought it was just as nice in the daylight, despite the criticism from the guidebook about it being hastily constructed and poorly finished. The inside wall is lined with murals depicting the life and legend of Buddha along with some key scenes from Myanmar’s Buddhist history, all carved out of stone. The mural with the man and his necklace of atoms fingers was particularly intricate… Wandered around the inside and outside, enjoying the panoramic views of the valley before picking up the bike and driving round to see the elephants.  There are 6 white elephants housed at the temple, along with two grey ones. Have never seen a white elephant before – I’m guessing they are basically an albino version of grey elephants but their pink ears and pearly eyes were bizarrely fascinating.  Back on the bike and to the 8-lane highway to let Jayne have a go at driving. Feeling a bit nervous, I think we were both just glad she didn’t do a wheelie like she did in her CBT… After she had a go (whilst I stood in the middle and on the side of the road taking photos), I got back in the drivers seat and started making our way back to the hotel, stopping at a shopping mall to get some snacks for the bus later and to get some lunch.   Back at the hotel to upload some more blogs whilst the internet was still working whilst Jayne tried to clear some space on my iPad so I could download some films and more books to read. Had to call the little golf cart when we checked out to take us to reception as it was chucking it down with rain again – we were told by reception that monsoon season has officially started! Got a car taxi to the bus station (wasn’t prepared to get on a motorbike in that kind of weather) and had some dinner at a local tea shop whilst waiting for our bus to arrive.   Thursday 2nd June 2016

The electricity had gone during the night so we were packing in the dark. It was typical that only after finishing breakfast and about to leave that they started the generator. Leaving the quirky antiques and eccentric decorations behind we were escorted to our tuk tuk by one of the ladies at the inn. Well, somebody was escorted, while the other enjoyed the rain. Guess who was treated like royalty???  
The locals tend to get on with their work and day-to-day life in the downpours. They have no idea how long the rain will last or if there will be enough of a respite in between showers to get where they need to go or do whatever it is that needs doing. As such, we picked up a lady passing the market, with three massive wicker baskets full of fruit & veg (mostly tomatoes) and saw a couple of monks with their beautiful paper and bamboo umbrellas walking in to the city to one of the temples. The rain briefly abated to glorious sunshine and intense heat when we stopped for a lunch time pit stop. The girls at the restaurant thought we were incredibly fascinating or funny (maybe both) and used every plausible excuse to visit our table – more kimchi, more soup, checking we were OK. They found it hilarious and were in fits of giggles every time we spoke a bit of Myanmar. We bought a packet of beans and banana chips and went to stand in the shade of the building and watch the town folks go about selling to passing buses that weren’t stopping. It was with mixed feelings that we got back in the bus… the air con was already a welcome relief, but the gentleman in the front row had not cleared out his system and was still heaving and puking quite noisily for the rest of the trip. The smell got so bad that one girl was pretty much leaving the Vicks vapour stick up her noise and the conductor sprayed air freshener into the air con outlets to spread around the bus quicker. 

We arrived in what we thought was Naypyitaw, but was in fact the main bus station north east of the city. The main station for the capital and the hotel zone was north west of the city. We weren’t prepared to pay 50,000ks to get us to our hotel so we waited for the bus to continue its journey and get us a bit closer. By which time we were prepared to jump on the back of a motorbike taxi (working out 3,000ks cheaper than a taxi) (with rucksacks) and speed down the empty highways to The Golden Lake Hotel. But sure of course, didn’t the heavens open again and the entire city became a golden lake with the streets now covered in a pale orange glow on a tar-macadam road that was saturated so quickly as to be a continuous shallow lake.     We arrived safely – albeit a bit wet – and dumped our bags before enjoying a pork Myanmar curry, a hoisin chicken clay pot and lavish attention from a waiter. We didn’t get the golf buggy back down to the room, but pretty much collapsed in to bed after an uneventful yet tiring day travelling. 

Wednesday 1st June 2016

Much like the night before, activity started as suddenly as it finished. The monks were out and about at nearly 5 o’clock exactly and the floorboards bounced with them marching across the monastery to head outside. Katherine rolled over and went back to sleep where I was now wide awake and ready to get going. Thus, I wasn’t taken aback or woken up abruptly when 40 young voices started chanting at 05:20. It was certainly one of the most unusual alarm calls we’ve ever had, but it was so cool. 
After another feast of a breakfast – with neither guide nor chef listening to us to serve less – we set off at seven o’clock and were soon at the counter to buy our Inle Lake zone tickets.  We were the first customers of the day and didn’t realise how far ahead of schedule we were until we arrived at a garage/shop at 08:00, when Ko Aung normally arrives there at 10:00 with his groups. Knowing that we had in fact broken our guide, we rested for half an hour before setting off again. The rain picked up a bit and we trekked along the main road so as not to be on the slippery trail all the time.     We were told that it would take us approximately 3hours to get to our destination and we could do it in 2.5 if we were fast walkers. 

Heading in to the wilderness, making for a path between the hills, the pace did slow down a bit. The soft red earth was sticking to the bottom of our shoes and needed to be removed every few steps on a root or bit of stone. The extra weight of the mud was surprisingly heavy and made the legs tired, the feet a bit cramped and the already slippy trail a bit more treacherous.  But, we started to see better views of the lake in the distance and the scramble down gullies and across ravines was becoming less and less. Soon we were levelling out and walking across a soccer pitch, past stupas and dashing across a main road towards our final destination. We had made it to Inle Lake (in 2.25hrs) where our guide pretty much collapsed. 

With breakfast less than 4hrs ago we were slightly shocked at the amount they had prepared for ‘lunch’. There was no way we could eat all of it and it was a small relief that the pineapple pieces were too sweet to eat. Waddling around the corner to the jetty it was so weird to see Gouramis (a type of fish) living in the streams. I used to sell them at Squires at £3 for the small species. There were hundreds of them and a few small shoals of killifish or something similar (the nice ones that eat the mosquito larvae and look like guppies). We thanked the guide and chef with a small tip each which they were totally taken aback by. Katherine said the chef was so confused with the money he thought I had given him rubbish and/or had dropped it. Ko Aung (still no idea how to pronounce it properly) waved goodbye to us as we popped up our umbrellas to protect us from the sun.  We were about to start our journey on the lake and he could return home to put ice between his legs and sleep some more before his next group. 

The section leading out to the lake was brilliant. There are bamboo sticks driven in to the bottom that are piled up with mud and water hyacinth and with barely enough of a gap to allow a boat through. As such, there is a tiny bit of a drop between each section, much like a mini weir.  The boat would pick up a bit of speed and we would have to slow down for passing boats and to line up for the next gate. We motored past houses on stilts and fields covered in trellises and bamboo poles. The area is used really well with the boats able to pass underneath the trellises to gather marrows and pumpkins and pass down between the dikes to harvest aubergines and tomatoes. We spotted gentleman selling veg between boats and a hive of other activity before we even got out on to the lake proper.   In total we must have been on our little boat for a bit over an hour. It was a bit nerve wracking when we stopped and had to clear the propeller of plants, with us tilting more and more towards the murky brown water, in the middle of a lake which we had no idea how deep it was and a few miles from a shoreline of any description. But, we needn’t have worried and soon we were not only in Nyaung Shwe, but our inn for the night. 

They hadn’t received the message attached to our laundry (or chose not to do it), so we had an hour and a half of scrubbing before we could enjoy a nice hot shower. With clean clothes and a pot of green tea from the valleys we trekked through, we were able to take on the town. Unlike the Dutch guy whom chatted to us over tea! On the similar 3-day trek he was heading to bed when we went in search of the market (frightening a tuk tuk driver with some karate) and a decent coffee. Katherine had an amazing Cafe Latte (noted by the absence or need for any sugar) and I had a Coconut Mocha (reminiscent of Hoolympic days).  Before the rain became too heavy we headed back to watch some friends and chill out. We headed next door to Mr. Cook for some local Shan State food to celebrate and finish the day. The Kim Pound-Kyam were pretty much spring onion tempura and the fried rice poa pyat (red bean paste) smell worse than it tasted. It was accompanied by a really flavoursome soup, but not as good as the mango lassi to wash it all down. With no sudden lights off like the monastery, Katherine checked some Facebook were I’m positive I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. 

Tuesday 31st May 2016